Nueva yr / new me?

Song of the Day /// If I Believe You - The 1975

oh hey there! 

       how are things? it seems a bit lonely in here. sorry that i've neglected you. i thought i didn't need you. i dont. that i could handle things on my own. i have. you would be proud. it's funny, its almost been a year since i've last updated you.

   i want you to know that im making it. im living, in a different head space. environment. still the same kid underneath it all: funny, inquisitive, charming, good-looking...humble.

ive been on some really great adventures, i challenged myself to be someone that i could look up to. im still trying, its a constant battle of not letting others down. but mostly myself. which i think is a healthy middle ground.

"if im lost, then how can i find myself?"

so your boy has been on the relationship roller coaster. from relationships that span twice my age in their 40s + 50s and ones not yet so grey. i want to be regretful, but why live like that. it happened. believe it made me more clever, i control my emotions. i limit what words and actions i take to heart. 

i had a few moments were i was trying to find myself and love in others. the scary thing was that i found myself in situations that sometimes freaked me the fuck out. honestly thought that i made a mistake that i could never come back from. i moved on from trill to trill to find nothing. i was looking for something, but found nothing. that's the honest truth. 

to move on from that i;ve surrounded myself with good people. old and new. being closed off didn't help me at all. ive embraced and engulfed myself in that new sensation. it something i never want to fade.